TONY & MARIA MEET WILLIAM & KATE

As. luck, fate, would have it that morning I awoke about 4:00 a.m. to see "West Side Story" on TV for the umpteenth time. One of my favorite movies, one I can watch over and over again.  

I first saw it when it came out as a kid,very young. My neighborhood, Lower East Side of Manhattan, had plenty of "Jets" and "Sharks" bopping around -- Black, Puerto Rican, and every white ethnic group you can think of. So, I saw it in "real time" you might say. First I saw the adrenalin rush of gang fights, dazzling dances and good songs. Along with that the tension I was already starting to know of walking down the wrong street at the wrong time, etc.

As time went on I started looking at "West Side Story"  from a sociological point of view. Though the kids were older than me they were indeed my generation. I often wondered what would've become of the survivors of the movie. For sure they were all victims. Some of poverty, others of racism and oh yes, some of poverty and racism. And I'm certain the "girls" -- from the wanna-be gang member Anybodys to the hotter-than-hot Anita -- sexism.         

If my neighborhood and others like it are any example, in five years from the time the film takes place (1961) most of the guys would've fallen to heroin. A few to Vietnam (there was a draft, remember?) some would've experienced both. The lucky white guys would get labor jobs -- contstruction, a few Sanitation. The lucky Puerto Ricans? Maybe Garment Center workers or would toil in restaurants and stores. The closest to an office would be in maintenance clothes.

Which bring us to Tony and Maria. What if Tony had lived and he and Maria had gone off to the new life they so naively believed possible?

Tony would've no doubt become a social worker. But, no wait! That would not be enough for Maria. She would have pushed him towards a business degree and a job with a suit. You see, Maria, beneath her sweetness and charm, wants that big house in Queens. Later, a bigger one in Long Island. And social worker? No, that keeps you too close to your humble beginnings, too many memories. And Tony would never disappoint the sweet Maria  (except for killing her brother, which in my scenario never happened). So he would take the two-hour commute to and from work in stride. Work ridiculously long hours and spend his weekends playing with their adorable bi-racial children (who Maria would only refer to as "American") and catering to Maria's needs as handyman, grill-master to the neighborhood and of course, enduring romantic partner.

After it was over I switched to the "Royal Wedding." William and Kate. they both seem like nice people, and much like more regular folk than their peers. Especially if, as Bill Mahr suggests, they don't insist on people calling them   "your highness..."

But it is what it is where the British royalty "thing" is concerned. My beef is with the media coverage. The most sickeningly intense and overdone since Ronald Reagan's three-day funeral fest 

At least he was a former president. But in three days of round-the-clock coverage they never mentioned one negative about his 8 years in office -- like not believing there was AIDS and refusing to even say the word for years.

Back to William and Kate. Dan Rather, a bona-fide news reporter, in his blog rallied against the TV coverage of the wedding. He had several strong points, one of which was that while a quarter of the US was being battered by killer tornadoes, that story was treated almost as an interruption to the wedding preparations. Paraphrasing, Rather said that a reporter would be at the scene of the devastation telling of losses of lives, injuries and homes and businesses destroyed -- then back to the anchor woman, elaborately dressed sitting in sparkling sunshine and perhaps sporting an elegant hat -- "Our hearts go out to the people of the region!"  Thanks, I was worried you didn't notice.

So I wondered if Tony and Maria would be up watching the wedding? Of course! Maria would have the children (and perhaps grandchildren by now) gathered around watching on the big-screen TV, frantically clicking to see which station had the best coverage: "NBC!"  "No BBC America," "No turn to CBS I want to see what Katie is wearing..."

And she would insist that he arise to watch with them even though Tony had worked a full week. "But remember how we felt when we got married, dear," she'd say. "We thought we were the Prince and Princess of Hell's Kitchen! And that beautiful dress that Anita made me! Oh, even better than she wore when she married Bernardo!" 

And he would hold her tight and say, "Ah yes, Maria. And to think if I hadn't broken up that fight, there might not have ever been a wedding!" 

"I know, and who knows what would've happened to you if Riff had not offered to shake my brohter's hand! By the way, where is Riff? He only lives like three blocks from here."

"I know but he had to work last night. He said they're wrapping up some major narcotics investigation so he's coming in from the Bronx."

"Well! Why doesn't he retire, all that dangerous stuff."

"You know Riff, he loves it. Besides he says he has to do the 30 years so he gets the 3/4 pension. All his daughters want to go to good schools. One wants to go to Sarah Lawrence!"

"Well then he should've went to law school instead. He'd have the money and he'd save poor Graciela all that grief and worry."

So William and Kate, class all the way, take their vows in a respectful and modest manner. They seemed truly grateful for all the accolades (rather they needed them or not) but most importantly for each other. Like I said, no beef with them at all. 

As we "non-royalty" believing Americans criticize the Brits and even those among us for giving props to William and Kate, let's remember that Tony and Maria never got to take their vows, modest as their ceremony might have been. And that in the years since "West Side Story" was released, there have far too many Tonys and Riffs and Bernardos who never made it out of their teen years for stupid reasons. And far too many Marias who had love snatched away from them in ways that will scar them for life. 

So hats off to William and Kate. And may the hats blow off the heads of the "news reporters" 

and land in the muddy waters and rubbles of the real story.    

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